Saturday, February 22, 2014

Little French Bra

little bras and nighties that hang from wooden hangers
in the chic French lingerie shop with etched birds and leaves
on the windows peeked my curiosity
enough to cross the empty street in neighborhoods where
artists pray their work is sold in galleries that have a ghostly feel
because it's February and nothing seems to sell...

...tiny lady with feathered eyelashes and red stained lips
that protect long teeth with a slight lisp to her words
who says she knows my boobs by my hand to wrist ratio
"try it on, try it on! it's French" she commands
and there I stand in front of mirrored walls with four of me's
dark green velvet curtains to my back with red fringe
and a gap that's painfully uncomfortable

"how's it fit? come out, let me take a look! ah, perfect
distorted and blushed in front of windows, my thoughts
are on a walking plan to melt these winter curves
that come with yearly snow and then the lady whistles words
with a smile, "sweetie, you're not fat, your jeans are too tight."

oh how I wish this neighborhood had an open coffee bar
with scones and chocolates, far cheaper than french bras....

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Vision Board Tale

     Have you made a vision board? It's where you cut out pictures of things you like from magazines such as a big house, new car or maybe a handsome mate and you glue it all on a piece of poster board. Some people add words for affirmations and then you put it someplace in your house, forget about it and things you desire will start to take shape into your life. Well, that's what I did on Saturday with a group of friends and a potluck. At first I didn't want to go, I've made them before, I teach workshops on how to make them and it just didn't interest me but I missed this group of people so I went.

     Everyone went around the room to give general thoughts of what they wanted in their lives but when it came to my turn, I told about wanting a stronger future generation. My dirty blue Malibu parked in the street ran fine, my house is cozy, the yard is hand planted, moving or buying new things would be a pain. I told how important it was for me to clean up my attitude and be a way shower for the grand kids. You see, I've read where our DNA can be changed by our thoughts (you tube Bruce Lipton) and how a mother daughter team teach Bible classes world wide because of their great grandma. Apparently, the great grandma took a huge interest in reading the book when she was sixteen years old, then out of the blue, her daughter took on the habit at the same age and her daughter as well until it also hit the fourth generation.

       I had done an experiment to only water my plants on Monday. When I went to my son's apartment, I noticed the plant I had given him was unusually large and lush to my surprise. He told me he had to cut it back three times and he only waters his plants on Monday's. Yes, DNA can change I thought.
     We had a short meditation to get into our space. I'm envisioning strong future children and a blue chord reaching to the sky with Stevie Wonder singing 'there's a ribbon in the sky' when out of the blue, my grandson texts me a short "hi". Connection, it was working and I hadn't even glued one thing on my paper!

     Ever been in that blissed out state but there's a nag in your gut that some thing's brewing? Could have been the excited text from my grandson that he was having a sleep over with two friends and dad said it was ok! Yes, mom was working the night shift again. On a Saturday night, after dad had worked all week?
     To make a long story short, it wasn't such a good idea after all and Sunday was all messed up with a house full of grumps who were all mad at each other. I decided to pick the grand kids up after school on Monday to give dad a break and Kaitlyn wasn't going to forgive that 'meanie' dad, ever! Mom's going to nursing school and wouldn't be home until after 5.

     The school bell rings at 3:10 but the kindergartners get out five minutes earlier. Be there on time! Not today kids, grandma had a detour going to the school because of the water main break and the parking lot near the swimming pool where she parks wasn't plowed which made the lady in front of the line stuck in a snow drift and grandma couldn't park. She ran up the hill, dodging snow mounds and speed running children who thought she was a bowling pin until she reached the top of the hill to see her love bugs! 

     "Grandma! We're saved! We're saved!" Dylan shouted as he fell face forward into the snow. Of course Kaitlyn did the same. They would need a change of clothes. "Where were you!" Kaitlyn cried. "We almost died so we were going to walk home!" 
     "It's ok Kaitlyn, let's go home and get some dry clothes and then we'll go to my house." 
     "Dad! Dad!", she sang. "I'm staying home with you! I love you so so so much." she said.

     The plan stayed the same for Dylan, he came home with me and Kaitlyn made up with meanie dad. Isn't it funny how plans go awry but it's in our best interest when we remain calm and let the Universe do its work?

     End of story....the last text of the day... "Mom, thanks for watching Dylan. Kaitlyn says to tell you that...YOU'RE FIRED!" 
  "It's ok, I'll see her early the next time."
   "Mom, thanks for taking a hit for the team."

Do vision boards work? Yes, with detours and twists. Might as well make one, they're fun.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Ghostly Reflections / Remembering Ben

     Now that the cold long day is finally winding down and the computer clock says 11:11 pm, the time of angels and wish making, I can smile and relax into a decoding process where my thoughts have gone in reverse to the beginning of this day. The day that started with a frown and fourteen inches of snow on top of ice with dread of grocery shopping in weather that's fit for a polar bear. This day was important, I just didn't realize it until tonight and all the coincidences fall like dominoes. I am sorry I forgot it was your birthday but the unseen world tried to remind me.
     It drew my attention to the kitchen light over the table this morning. The sun hitting the glass just right made the neighbor's snow covered roof look like mountains in California and the blue was so blue with a hot sky. The Christmas poinsettia plant with its red leaves that was sitting on the table improved the make believe room and I pretended it was another small world inside of my world, trapped in the reflection. How would I paint that for a neat book? I felt the tug from Spirit at that moment whispering, reflection but I rushed to get dressed with the Beatle's song playing in my head, "I am you and you are me and we are all together."
     Maybe it was the fast speed of the muddy cars on the road or the five foot tall snow mounds at all the intersections that kept my mind away from you. Once again, Spirit tried to remind me of this special date because it wouldn't stick in my head when I wrote checks at two different stores. (yes, I still write checks)
     "What's the date today?" I asked the olive skinned woman at the India Emporium market.
     "February 6th", she replied. " "Be safe outside, there are so many things to pay attention to now," she added.
     February sixth, February sixth, I found myself silently repeating as I drove towards home the short cut way near the yellow apartments with the tennis court across the street. You started to enter my thoughts about this time but it was a tiny pinhole opening. It was a good thing I didn't run over the man in the street walking his dog on a leash who was trying to navigate over frozen bumps with his dog and he shook when he walked with his half smoked cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth.
     He stopped and froze his gait to turn to face me and when I passed him in the car, I looked in the rear view mirror to see that he had turned around to walk in the direction that I was driving.
     "Ben! He looks like Ben," I said to my daughter.
     "He looked at you funny mom," she said.
     "Oh my God! Today is Ben's birthday! I can't believe I forgot, I always light a candle on his birthday."
     "What a sign that is, I can't believe I didn't see one this morning. If I'm not more observant, God's going to start throwing signs at me," I laughed.

     The old ladies say be careful what you wish for and that couldn't have been truer to what we saw next. Someone had run into the stop sign during the night and knocked it down so we pulled over the side of the road and took a picture. Some people may not believe me, some do, all I know is Ben's birthday is today and Spirit was trying to get my attention. He would have been 37 years old but his life was cut short by murder. It's a pain that I bury and don't talk about to people because it holds the weight of guilt. Guilt for not having the resources to find him good places to live when my basement had the space. Guilt for complaining of the cold when I knew he was sleeping outside in the cold.

          Good night half moon, good night busy day. Thank you for the signs, thank you for the reflections and thank you for the last coincidence where I checked facebook because it beeped a noise that said someone messaged me but instead I find a quote that read..."If you want to see God, then open your eyes."
  Happy Birthday my dear friend Ben, I am you and you are me and we are all together.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


A life without friends is like climbing a ladder without something to lean on. The balancing act can only last so long.