A woman feels it in the air, a feeling that something's up. A man feels it because he's read it in the newspaper and the local weather man said it's today. Big November full moon in Taurus. She knows it was yesterday but his voice is louder and certain of the date. She daydreams to the background noises of his muffled words. The feeling came in waves with traffic flow and warm fresh towels that needed folding. It peeked its head again at mid lunch when the phone started ringing. Women on the machine wanting answers from each other because they had a feeling too, something's up. A woman knows others won't hear what she has to say when the feeling is in the air so the phone went unanswered. Time for space where the heart is tender in a labyrinth that's shadowed by bits of this and bits of that and a woman knows it will pass as feelings often do.
The man wants to prove today is the full moon and lucky for the woman, Google agrees with her. His confusion makes her smile as he leaves the room amazed that he and the weatherman were wrong. How did she know without looking at the news? It came in waves, with thoughts of being nine dressed in a Christmas dress, riding in a dark car on the way to watch the Russian children dance ballet in a small town in Mexico where the rain pours and the streets smell of fresh earth. Shadows of a sweet tamale with big raisins that she loves where another shadow lies on top of this one but it won't talk, only breathes. A hot breath of giggly cousins in clicky sounding shoes, famous dancers, grandma is so pretty and everyone loves her. Who's drunk? Not grandma, she loves the little girl and sings the words, pretty baby all the way home letting the child's memory relax into visions of wet clicky shoes in a town that glows with Christmas lights and plastic Santa's in the store front windows. Did the Russian children fly to get there?
The man is hungry and joins the woman for an intimate dinner of split pea, carrot and potato soup with a crisp salad. He notices the house is clean and asks how did she know the full moon was yesterday.
"It feels good in here," says the man.
" There's something about full moons that makes me want to clean," replies the woman.
"So that's how you know?" he asks.
"Guess so, just a feeling," she whispers.
To contemplate is to look at shadows.
Victor Hugo
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
The Funeral
We're a tangled bunch of actors on the same road
of twists and turns in a world of surprises and my heart
beats loudest before my turn to be center stage
for your funeral that's twenty years too soon...
...You've gone from sight and left with Gaia's last season
but new winter winds have arrived today and the show goes on
for me with veins that pump the blood
my heart beats loudest before my turn...
silent strangers in a crowd with roots and strength
The cast in a production that remains live
without a script, a tangled bunch we are in a room
that holds a space for you with unified love,
making my task one of honor, praised by angels
who hold us together in one clumped mess
suspended in the Universe, a sphere of Love that pumps
and beats and carries on the promises of the dreamer
...I am so glad I wore pink for you today...
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Kitchen Table
the kitchen table is where we all hang out, around a circle of caramel colored wood
from an old Oak tree that grandma Della bought with a hundred dollar bill from Barbara,
the single mom of four who used to live across the street.
she had to pay the electric and gas and we needed a place to gather as a family in
the warmest place of the house where something was always on the stove or in the oven.
the crack gets glued once a year from elbows that have leaned in to hear familiar voices talk
about book reports, bad ass bullies in the lunchroom, pregnancies and marriages.
this sacred circle of wood that holds our family and friends together has heard it all
standing in silence as regal as the tree it once was, holding space for hungry mouths
in need of nourishment for body and soul, it's the place where we all hang out.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Job Offer at Trader Joe's
There is a stone house with three arched windows in the front that looks like a castle, called The Writer's Place. Poets and writers go there to share stories but I lurk from afar because I don't have the courage to read my poems to a crowd, naked on the stage is what it would feel like to me. All week it's been popping in my head to go there, but the last thing I remember before bed last night was a command telling me to go to Trader Joe's in the afternoon. No, I planned to drive past the house and Trader Joe's is out of the way. "Go to Trader Joe's," spirit repeated. Well alright, maybe I will, my daughter has been feeling ill and I've heard they have organic chickens, she probably needs chicken soup.
After morning coffee, my daughter told me she felt we needed to go to Trader Joe's. A voice had told her. That's twice I heard the message. Wonder why they didn't make it easy and say Whole Foods or Natural Grocers that's in my neighborhood? Must be those chickens. So off we went. It was a good drive with autumn in full bloom and people on lunch break. Knobby white, green and orange pumpkins surrounded the doors. Cheap fresh flowers, organic bananas and pineapples were on sale. The customers were dressy and in a hurried state, must have been the working crowd, nobody smiled much. Let's get out of here was my thought because we got to laughing about stupid things, I was afraid they would think we were laughing at them. There was a man in a wheelchair in the salsa aisle with tubes going into his nose. He stared at me after I smiled at him, and out of the blue, blurted, "this stuffs the best! Ever try it?" Hannah laughed and he frowned asking, "what's so funny!"
"You sound like my brothers, they love that brand and always say it's the best," she said. That broke his frown and he told us he was a food writer for a magazine in Missouri, had 500 recipes, some with raccoon. He slurped his words like they were a savory stew when he told us about rabbit and squirrel in soups and I thought he was pulling our leg. He never married, didn't have children so cooking was his love. He perfected the Vietnamese street vendor's sandwich, was a contract lawyer and had traveled all over the world.
"Read books about Cesar and the history before traveling to a place," he said. "Before I went to Ireland, I knew everything about their old buildings and the beers they drank. Made me everyone's friend when I walked into the pub." He told my daughter to enjoy life and never be scared of it. "If a nice young fella asks you to spend time with him in Europe for a few months, you do it! What the hell, have fun. Before you know it, you could be a fat old scraggy man in a wheel chair wearing one of these things to keep a heart going and stinking tubes up your nose so you can breathe. I did what I wanted in life. You have to go to Dubai." he continued. "It's never as bad as you think once you get there." he said.
Our conversation was starting to wind down when he turned to me and asked if I would come to live with him, cook and take care of him as he aged. "I'll pay $200,000 a year and I'm not looking to get married. I had a lady I had to fire because she was getting sweet with me and wanted to marry. Here's your check, bye bye is what I told her." As a freelance artist, I have had my share of eclectic offers, but this one topped them all. I came in because of the organic chickens mister, as tempting as your offer may be.
"Are you bothering these women? I'm checking out now." said a white haired woman who arrived on the scene. She too was in a wheel chair with deep set blue eyes, it was the man's sister. They shared the same big nose but it looked smaller on her face. What a coincidence, she was an artist too. We exchanged emails because she invited us to attend her first art show but apologized that she wasn't a real artist like my daughter and I because she had trained herself. "That's ridiculous," I told her. "Do you love what you do? If so, then yes, you're a real artist too. I wasn't trained either," I assured her, "but I love what I do."
She is showing her work at guess where, the Writer's Place. Her dear friend is the head of the organization there so she gets to have her work on display for a month. Before I knew it, she was gone, wheeled herself through the checkout line and out the door. Her brother followed me out, telling the checkers he wasn't leaving until I agreed to live with him and he wrote his email address twice on the Trader Joe's flyer. If only he was twenty something and I was 18, that would have sounded kind of cool.
Two hours later, we were putting away the groceries and my husband asked if we got lost. "No, I was offered a $200,000 job to cook and take care of a 75 year old man without marriage."
"You what!" he screeched. "Come on, he's old, you won't miss me and I'll send you emails. $200,000! We could buy fun stuff and a year goes by so fast." I said.
"Really, stop kidding, you're not taking the job are you?" he moaned.
"For God's sake, no! He wasn't serious."
"Did you find the organic chickens?" he asked
"Yes, they're $15 a piece so I passed."
"I thought that's why you went to Trader Joe's? " he said and then left to finish watching the sports channel.
No, that's not why I went to Trader Joe's I thought. Two boxes of butternut soup, persimmons, bananas, fresh greens and some crazy bread for sandwiches. I went because Spirit guided me, knowing it was the place to be at the perfect moment so that I could meet fearless Larry who has a sister that will bring me to The Writer's Place and I will read my poems because I am a poet like the other trained poets and I will do something else that I love. Yes, it was all about Larry who lived two hours away and was visiting for a short time who needed two women who had the time to hear his stories and soften his frown.
The voice of Spirit is soft, often ignored, a gentle nudge if we allow. When we allow, Spirit laughs and angels give us signs to communicate. Notice the sign over Larry's head, aren't they funny?
After morning coffee, my daughter told me she felt we needed to go to Trader Joe's. A voice had told her. That's twice I heard the message. Wonder why they didn't make it easy and say Whole Foods or Natural Grocers that's in my neighborhood? Must be those chickens. So off we went. It was a good drive with autumn in full bloom and people on lunch break. Knobby white, green and orange pumpkins surrounded the doors. Cheap fresh flowers, organic bananas and pineapples were on sale. The customers were dressy and in a hurried state, must have been the working crowd, nobody smiled much. Let's get out of here was my thought because we got to laughing about stupid things, I was afraid they would think we were laughing at them. There was a man in a wheelchair in the salsa aisle with tubes going into his nose. He stared at me after I smiled at him, and out of the blue, blurted, "this stuffs the best! Ever try it?" Hannah laughed and he frowned asking, "what's so funny!"
"You sound like my brothers, they love that brand and always say it's the best," she said. That broke his frown and he told us he was a food writer for a magazine in Missouri, had 500 recipes, some with raccoon. He slurped his words like they were a savory stew when he told us about rabbit and squirrel in soups and I thought he was pulling our leg. He never married, didn't have children so cooking was his love. He perfected the Vietnamese street vendor's sandwich, was a contract lawyer and had traveled all over the world.
"Read books about Cesar and the history before traveling to a place," he said. "Before I went to Ireland, I knew everything about their old buildings and the beers they drank. Made me everyone's friend when I walked into the pub." He told my daughter to enjoy life and never be scared of it. "If a nice young fella asks you to spend time with him in Europe for a few months, you do it! What the hell, have fun. Before you know it, you could be a fat old scraggy man in a wheel chair wearing one of these things to keep a heart going and stinking tubes up your nose so you can breathe. I did what I wanted in life. You have to go to Dubai." he continued. "It's never as bad as you think once you get there." he said.
Our conversation was starting to wind down when he turned to me and asked if I would come to live with him, cook and take care of him as he aged. "I'll pay $200,000 a year and I'm not looking to get married. I had a lady I had to fire because she was getting sweet with me and wanted to marry. Here's your check, bye bye is what I told her." As a freelance artist, I have had my share of eclectic offers, but this one topped them all. I came in because of the organic chickens mister, as tempting as your offer may be.
"Are you bothering these women? I'm checking out now." said a white haired woman who arrived on the scene. She too was in a wheel chair with deep set blue eyes, it was the man's sister. They shared the same big nose but it looked smaller on her face. What a coincidence, she was an artist too. We exchanged emails because she invited us to attend her first art show but apologized that she wasn't a real artist like my daughter and I because she had trained herself. "That's ridiculous," I told her. "Do you love what you do? If so, then yes, you're a real artist too. I wasn't trained either," I assured her, "but I love what I do."
She is showing her work at guess where, the Writer's Place. Her dear friend is the head of the organization there so she gets to have her work on display for a month. Before I knew it, she was gone, wheeled herself through the checkout line and out the door. Her brother followed me out, telling the checkers he wasn't leaving until I agreed to live with him and he wrote his email address twice on the Trader Joe's flyer. If only he was twenty something and I was 18, that would have sounded kind of cool.
Two hours later, we were putting away the groceries and my husband asked if we got lost. "No, I was offered a $200,000 job to cook and take care of a 75 year old man without marriage."
"You what!" he screeched. "Come on, he's old, you won't miss me and I'll send you emails. $200,000! We could buy fun stuff and a year goes by so fast." I said.
"Really, stop kidding, you're not taking the job are you?" he moaned.
"For God's sake, no! He wasn't serious."
"Did you find the organic chickens?" he asked
"Yes, they're $15 a piece so I passed."
"I thought that's why you went to Trader Joe's? " he said and then left to finish watching the sports channel.
No, that's not why I went to Trader Joe's I thought. Two boxes of butternut soup, persimmons, bananas, fresh greens and some crazy bread for sandwiches. I went because Spirit guided me, knowing it was the place to be at the perfect moment so that I could meet fearless Larry who has a sister that will bring me to The Writer's Place and I will read my poems because I am a poet like the other trained poets and I will do something else that I love. Yes, it was all about Larry who lived two hours away and was visiting for a short time who needed two women who had the time to hear his stories and soften his frown.
The voice of Spirit is soft, often ignored, a gentle nudge if we allow. When we allow, Spirit laughs and angels give us signs to communicate. Notice the sign over Larry's head, aren't they funny?
Friday, October 4, 2013
Fat Cat
fat black cat that's hopped the fence
scouring the yard for a fishy treat
on another boring Friday night where nothing happens
in this hood of tv watching people
who've forgotten how to connect face to face
they've lost the touch of weather watching
and animal speak, no sounds of children
there are no echoes in the tree tonight
go home fat black cat
everything here is bland and flavorless
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Summer Breeze
Summer, where have you melted? My hands are sticky with your leftovers and the new breeze says you won't be staying much longer. The yellow school buses are on the streets now and the kids look different. Stay a while longer please, I promise not to stuff you in crowded days called work.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
A Brother's Wisdom/The Art of Manifesting Through an Open Heart
The night had a bite in its breeze for a change in the beginning of August when people are usually complaining about the heat and brown grass. Smokers had turned the party into an outside one real fast and some managed to complain about the mosquitoes. Never mind the smell of cigarette butts piled high in votive candle cups, some floating on the top with yesterday's rain. We needed the rain, no one was complaining. Maybe the trains were blasting their horns but nobody noticed because brother was in town and his jokes always caused laughing louder than a train's horn. One of the sisters was in a dark mood but beer can do that. In fact, beer takes the conversation off topic quick and I wondered how we went from Confucius sitting in a church pew to the state of homeless people.
"You can't trust them, they're mean." Voices talking over voices, competing for attention. "That ain't true," my brother said. It's hard to convince someone who has a chip on their shoulder but she continued. "I gave a man a sandwich and he threw it back at me! Told me he wanted money," she said. "No, I don't give them anything and I lock my doors." I wanted to blame her attitude on Coors Light but brother was equally Coors lit. ,
In his quiet and smooth demeanor, brother asked, "did I ever tell you all about the guy on the street who had a sign with the words cold beer on it?" "Man I felt so sorry for that guy and all I had was two bucks on me so I gave it to him and told him I wished it was more so he could run over and get me one too!"
"Not me, I wouldn't have done it," she argued. "Well I'm sure glad I did it because do you know that every time I ran into that guy, he had a beer for me too!", he said. "Oh yeah, I've got another one! There was this Mexican man who came to work with us at a job site and he followed me all day for like two days bumming cigs from me. I started to get frustrated on the last day and all I could think about was man is this guy going to depend on me for all his smokes?" "You're too nice, that's stupid," she groaned. "Well, I've been in his shoes and I knew he didn't speak much English so I felt bad for the guy."
"I bet he didn't feel bad for you!" she smiled. "That's the funny part guys! Did you know that every single day after those two days, he was always running up to me with a cigarette in his hands offering me one? It got embarrassing but he shared all his cigarettes with me for a year," brother said laughing. "What made him stop?" sister asked. "He went back to Honduras!" Thunderous laughing followed and before we knew it, brother had changed the direction of the conversation back to Confucius jokes and times when he was a Marine without a car somewhere in Tijuana Mexico having to share his only orange with his buddy who woke up before he could eat it. "Woo! I was starving and really looked forward to that orange but he was starving too." "At least I found my stolen car, that was good."
"Speak the truth, do not yield to anger, give, if thou art asked for little, by these three steps thou wilt go near the gods." ~Confucius~
"You can't trust them, they're mean." Voices talking over voices, competing for attention. "That ain't true," my brother said. It's hard to convince someone who has a chip on their shoulder but she continued. "I gave a man a sandwich and he threw it back at me! Told me he wanted money," she said. "No, I don't give them anything and I lock my doors." I wanted to blame her attitude on Coors Light but brother was equally Coors lit. ,
In his quiet and smooth demeanor, brother asked, "did I ever tell you all about the guy on the street who had a sign with the words cold beer on it?" "Man I felt so sorry for that guy and all I had was two bucks on me so I gave it to him and told him I wished it was more so he could run over and get me one too!"
"Not me, I wouldn't have done it," she argued. "Well I'm sure glad I did it because do you know that every time I ran into that guy, he had a beer for me too!", he said. "Oh yeah, I've got another one! There was this Mexican man who came to work with us at a job site and he followed me all day for like two days bumming cigs from me. I started to get frustrated on the last day and all I could think about was man is this guy going to depend on me for all his smokes?" "You're too nice, that's stupid," she groaned. "Well, I've been in his shoes and I knew he didn't speak much English so I felt bad for the guy."
"I bet he didn't feel bad for you!" she smiled. "That's the funny part guys! Did you know that every single day after those two days, he was always running up to me with a cigarette in his hands offering me one? It got embarrassing but he shared all his cigarettes with me for a year," brother said laughing. "What made him stop?" sister asked. "He went back to Honduras!" Thunderous laughing followed and before we knew it, brother had changed the direction of the conversation back to Confucius jokes and times when he was a Marine without a car somewhere in Tijuana Mexico having to share his only orange with his buddy who woke up before he could eat it. "Woo! I was starving and really looked forward to that orange but he was starving too." "At least I found my stolen car, that was good."
"Speak the truth, do not yield to anger, give, if thou art asked for little, by these three steps thou wilt go near the gods." ~Confucius~
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