Monday, March 16, 2009

Death's Curve Ball

Cliff never believed in angels. You die, you're dead, that's it. I liked him. He was a gentle giant to me in his 6 foot 6 frame who cried at my daughter's wedding, saying he had never felt so much love from a family before. There were stories inside his head that I wanted to know more about. Like when he was a musician in Chicago who got thrown out of a bar for singing Jesus loves me on the table top. Or the times he must have had when he tended bar at the lake. He and I met after his wild days were over and he was my son-in-law's dad, owner of his own business. We shared birthday cakes and two beautiful grandchildren. Then one day, cancer took hold of Cliff's body. At first, it seemed like a terrible injustice and it was, but there was also a miracle being woven into our lives through his cancer.
First came the dream. Two "beings" and I lifted him with a green sheet to The Hospital of Lights. Words cannot describe the beauty of the place with its golden glow. He was laid horizontally while many lights scanned his body in sections. Peace filled everything it touched and I wanted to be on the table too but was told, no. After the dream, I began visualizing healing light and praying for him consistently. He was stuck in between worlds, ours, Heaven's and the drug induced world but we still paid close attention to his words. He laughed when I told him I was never good at playing charades and then his gaze would shift and he spoke of the beautiful women who were in the room. Angels? Of course! he'd say. My daughter would have dreams about the two of them speaking only to be surprised the next morning when she found out he had screamed out her name twice in his sleep. This strengthened everyone's faith. The Hospice worker said in fifteen years, she has been with Catholics, Jews, Muslims, atheists, among others and all of them talk of angels. Cliff mentioned how he felt love returned for the first time in his life which has always been my idea of why we're here, to grow through love. It was starting to make sense that when life marries with death, a miracle occurs for those who have hearts to see.
Sadly, we lost Cliff on Saturday at 3:44 in the morning. Something kept whispering as I slept, trying to give a confused message so I glanced at the clock. 4:11 a.m. Somewhere I have a feeling there's a very large man teasing angels that he was just kidding about not believing in them. Somewhere too, there is a Hospital of Lights healing all cancers of the spirit.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry for your and your family's loss. Having you at his side must have helped very much! You are a love-filled person.